Joke of the day

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Joke of the day

Girls night out

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ' MIDNIGHT'..he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said:'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.'Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Din ziare adunate

Se pare ca suntem de mult un popor de papa-lapte. Cam de 5000 de ani. Cam asa spun arheologii, clasandu-i pe cei din Anglia pe al doilea loc, adica 4000 ani. Stiu si eu ca dupa vanatoare a urmat cresterea animalelor, de aia nu pot sa zica vecinii nostri ca nu eram pe aici, de vreme ce nu erau strabunii nostri plecati la vanatoare, ci se sprijineau in toiege si cantau din frunza. Acum nu stiu daca vasele alea de lut testate de ei aveau urme de lapte proaspat sau chisleag, sau daca era ceva pregatit special sa dea mai multe grade, ca stim cu toti ca laptele si cu mierea dau un fel de bautura. Nu ca le-ar fi lipsit vinul sau berea, dar sunt sigura ca dacii preferau diversitatea.

Am dat si de o alta stire in ziarele de azi: suntem in topul primilor 10 tari europene consumatoare de bere, pe locul sase. Daca la consumul de lapte ne situam cam inspre coada - desi ma cam indoiesc de precizia clasamentului, de vreme ce nu se prea ea in considerare si laptele baut din productie proprie -la bere stam bine. La urma urmei, si berea e un aliment, nu? "Ia cu paine, Gicutule!"

Si cat mai te delectezi cu berea, poti sa privesti si calendarul cu politiste care nu sunt politiste, ci manechine, scos de Sindicatul National al Politistilor si Vamesilor pentru imbunatatirea imaginii. Sunteti siguri baieti ca mai puteti imbunatati ceva? Cel mult creste cantitatea de...saliva a cumparatorilor.