Numai iesean sa nu fii in jurul datei de 14 octombrie

Sa fii iesean in aceste zile este destul de dificil. Evenimentele desfasurate sau permise de primaria orasului aproape ca paralizeaza desfasurarea activitatii in mod obisnuit.

Printre evenimetele care escaladeaza de la an la an sunt comerciantii de haine de piele si de alte blanuri care impanesc anul acesta mai tot spatiul de pe langa Hala, alaturi de vanzatorii de vinuri, must, carnuri si de acum traditionalii mici foarte mici.

Strada Palatului e paralizata de vanzatori de marfuri din depozite, baloane, lucruri mai mult sau mai putin originale si "produse traditionale" precum porumb fiert, colaci secuiesti si castane prajite.

Pe Splai Bahlui te poti invarti si ameti in diferite masinarii, astfel ca si strada asta e blocata.

Pe Stefan cel Mare poti cumpara "lucruri sfintite", cel mai adesea produse la imprimanta si doar imprimate cu sfintit. Am si eu primita o punga de astfel de matanii, cu "sfintit" pe ele si care au ajuns la mine din intamplare.

Ca un bonus, ieri a fost o ploaie zdravana, astfel incat fiecare iesean cu masina a facut o ora fata de cele 10 minute necesare in mod obisnuit. 20 de minute s-au transformat in 2 ore pentru toti cei care au circulat prin Tudor, Nicolina, Gara s.a.

Am facut peste 40 de minute pentru a ajunge acasa, geaca mea din piele a fost atat de bine vopsita incat culoarea din ea a intrat in puloverul alb purtat pentru prima data, mi-a fost frig, m-am udat si aburii degajati de hainele mele au contribuit la buna aburire a geamurilor din masina, ajutandu-l astfel pe sotior sa-si pastreze calmul in conditiile excelente de trafic pana acasa.

Joke of the day

Another of those little stories you just have to love.

A motorcycle officer stops a vehicle that has ran a red light. The driver is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer and asks why he is being harassed by the Gestapo and the officer calmly tells the driver of the red light violation.

The driver goes into a tirade, and questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation etc.

The officer takes it all in professional stride and writes the ticket and places an "AH" in the bottom right hand corner - Narration" The officer hands the driver the ticket and requests a signature.

The driver angrily signs the ticket and notices the "AH" and demands to know what that is for.

The officer removes his mirror like sunglasses and gets in the drivers face and in a low voice says "So that when we get in court in three months time, I can remember that you are an asshole!"

Three months later, in court, the driver has hired a lawyer, as his driving record is not what you would call perfect, and he expects to lose his license.

The officer gives his evidence on the driver running a red light. Then under cross examination, the driver's lawyer asks if this is the ticket the officer had issued.

"Yes, this is the defendant's cop of the ticket I issued" states the officer.

Lawyer then asks " Is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket that you don't normally make?"

The officer says "Yes in the bottom right hand corner, in the Narrative box, is the AH underlined"

Lawyer "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer " Aggressive and Hostile"

Lawyer " Are you sure?"

Officer " Yes sir."

Lawyer " Are you sure that it doesn't stand for asshole?"

Officer " Well sir, I am sure you know your client better than I do"

Let's smile!

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
***

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
***

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
***

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
***

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
***

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

10 jokes to make your day!

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout from the back seat, 'Mom!That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?

5) POLICE #1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' 'Yes, 'I answered and continued writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,'
I told her 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, `would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers an wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. '

9) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'

10) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear.'

Get out of the car!

(This is a supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs: "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They gone out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

sursa aici

Concursul! Concursul! Unde-i concursul?

Pentru cei inventivi sau satui de idioti in trafic puteti regasi un concurs interesant pe www.topgear.ro, unde puteti castiga o excursie la Top Gear Live. Iata cateva dintre mesajele propuse de ei, dintre care unele sunt extrem de tentante:

Eu ascult manele pe mute.
Un manelist bun este un manelist mut.( din pacate poate avea casetofonul la maxim daca nu e si surd)
Ultimul om care mi-a blocat masina inca lipseste!
Blocheaza intersectia daca ai picat la sala.
Daca-ti arunci gunoiul pe geam, tu ce mai cauti in masina?( cum s-a remarcat, prea subtil pentru obrazul lor)
Un gunoi bun este un gunoi aruncat la cos.
Claxoneaza daca n-ai facut sex azi-noapte. :D
Zambeste, maine coada va fi mai lunga!
Treci pe rosu daca-ti place sa penetrezi pe stop.( poate are gusturi ciudate)
Daca vezi un politist, zambeste-i. Maine va fi mai rau.( pentru el sau pentru tine?)
Nu fi bizon. Nu bloca intersectia.
Depaseste coloana daca vrei s-ajungi mai repede la ma-ta.

Din ziare adunate

Se pare ca suntem de mult un popor de papa-lapte. Cam de 5000 de ani. Cam asa spun arheologii, clasandu-i pe cei din Anglia pe al doilea loc, adica 4000 ani. Stiu si eu ca dupa vanatoare a urmat cresterea animalelor, de aia nu pot sa zica vecinii nostri ca nu eram pe aici, de vreme ce nu erau strabunii nostri plecati la vanatoare, ci se sprijineau in toiege si cantau din frunza. Acum nu stiu daca vasele alea de lut testate de ei aveau urme de lapte proaspat sau chisleag, sau daca era ceva pregatit special sa dea mai multe grade, ca stim cu toti ca laptele si cu mierea dau un fel de bautura. Nu ca le-ar fi lipsit vinul sau berea, dar sunt sigura ca dacii preferau diversitatea.

Am dat si de o alta stire in ziarele de azi: suntem in topul primilor 10 tari europene consumatoare de bere, pe locul sase. Daca la consumul de lapte ne situam cam inspre coada - desi ma cam indoiesc de precizia clasamentului, de vreme ce nu se prea ea in considerare si laptele baut din productie proprie -la bere stam bine. La urma urmei, si berea e un aliment, nu? "Ia cu paine, Gicutule!"

Si cat mai te delectezi cu berea, poti sa privesti si calendarul cu politiste care nu sunt politiste, ci manechine, scos de Sindicatul National al Politistilor si Vamesilor pentru imbunatatirea imaginii. Sunteti siguri baieti ca mai puteti imbunatati ceva? Cel mult creste cantitatea de...saliva a cumparatorilor.

Misiune periculoasa

Atunci cand o masina de politie are luminile aprinse, te astepti ca aceasta sa fie intr-o misiune, sa se grabeasca acolo unde e nevoie, acolo unde "arde". Atunci cand azi, pe la ora 18.30 am vazut masina politiei parcata cu luminile aprinse putin dupa trecerea de pietoni din Podul Ros, mi-am zis ca probabil s-a intamplat ceva cu adevarat important daca e nevoie de ei. Si mi-am dat seama de importanta misiunii lor, pentru care s-a facut parcarea aiurea si erau luminile aprinse. Masina politiei cu numarul B 51 WVZ oprise pentru feliile de pizza. Pesemne ca erau cu adevarat fierbinti si aveau nevoie de ajutorul politiei. Cum prin Iasi nu prea gasesti gogoserii, trebuie si oamenii sa se alimenteze. Logic, nu?